day 19

day 18

day 17

day 16

day 15

day 14

day 13

day 12

day 11

day 10

Day 9

Piper and Finley circa Christmas 2004

Day 8

Piper and Katie circa Christmas 2003

Day 7



In memory

of James Kim

what an extraordinary act of sacrifice and ultimate love for his family.

days 5 & 6

day 4

day 3

day 2

day 1

somethin new

I have decided for themonth of December, which starts tomorrow (I can't believe it, can you, tomorrow is DECEMBER 1ST!) that I am just going to be posting a picture a day. I've seen this done around blog land and i also want to work on my skills at picture-taking, which aat this point are non-existent and so i have no where to go but up.

There is a fury of activity going on in my "sew-office" as the girls like to call it and I'm sure some of the finished projects will be the main characters of the photos. Also, what a great time of year to just look and feel with that sense without words or explanations you are free to make up your own story about the pictures and the scene.

What I am having difficulty wioth right now is Christmas shopping. Most of my friends are "done" and I haven't even started. Honestly I don't know where to begin. I am so over toys and commercialism and the girls don't watch tv so there isn't any of the "I want that!" after seeing a commercial. I don't know what the cool must-have toys are and i don't really care. This Christmas seems to be shaping up to be a thoughtful simple Christmas more about the traditions we share than the gifts we receive. The problem with that is that I love to give gift, i guess we'll see how this all plays out.

ok, so starting tomorrow, pictures, and feel free to join me, maybe we could start a flickr group or something?

and also, the Sufjan Stevens Songs for Christmas is my holiday sound track this year, love it!

The Birthday Party that almost wasn't

It was shaping up to be a beautiful week and weekend. Piper was getting over a nasty virus/infection and everyone was in good spirits. Then Finley got sick...nasty green snotty sticky runny nose and a phlegmy cough. Not so nice to be around and what were we to do with her birthday party a few days away. I did not want to repeat last year and cancel the festivities,so i called all the parents and informed them of the situation here and let them know that we would completely understand if they decided not to come but we were still going to party.



The theme for Fin's party this year was and arts and crafts party. The girls painted some small canvases and I attatched the information:



Come celebrate and sing
Happy Birthday to you
Our Artist in Residence
Finley Claire
is turning 2!

yada yada yada



party favors included a personalized apron for each child and a goody bag with art supplies.



We had 3 art/craft projects: canvases to paint, shaving cream to fingerpaint, and graham crackers to paint with cream cheese and "embelish" with jelly beans.



There was arting and craftin and eating and singing and the occasional crying and everyone had fun.



LOTS of presents that Piper "helped" her sister open and a tower of cupcakes.



Streamers are happy and I wished that we could leave them up all year and my baby, she turned two, sniff.

When I was growing up, birthdays were a big deal and that is a tradition I have sort of forced upon my own family, somewhat to Jason's dismay, but you could tell it was a good party because everyone had nice long happy naps afterwards.

Gators suck

GO NOLES

Jonah

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday and I am thankful for some many many things but this year i am especially thankful for Jonah, Jason's brother, the fourth child in the lineup of 11 children.

Jonah is a marine and he is on a boat right now and will be home in three weeks for good. He also served a 7 month tour in Iraq in a recon division which means he was the one to go in before the massive amount of troops and sweep through builings and such as in urban warfare.

When Jonah announced that he was going to enlist I immediately became anxious. Jason and i discussed it and we decided that jason needed to talk him out of it, that it was not the right choice for him. He never had that discussion with Jonah except for little mentions of our ideas for him and Jonah went off to boot camp. It's an odd feeling to have someone leave for boot camp, and he was the first family member to join the military. Thoughts flashing through my mind of coverage that I had seen of the war, uneasy feelings in my stomach about the thought of ever seeing him again.

When Jonah left for boot camp he was a boy. He was quiet, shy even, and seemed to young and innocent and weak. When he returned from boot camp, well there was a noticeable difference. He was a man. The military had turned him into the kind of man that looks you in the eye when he talks to you and stops talking when you look away or move your attention from him. He spoke articulately and in few words but communicated his thougths in detail. And his physcial demeanor? Well, he was strong and his body had become one of his weapons, in a good way.

When Jonah left for Iraq, I'd say that people were sad, but that is an understatement. But, when he returned, the joy far outweighed the sadness. He will be home in three weeks and the word that floats around in my mind is relief.

You can agree with the war or disagree but one thing is certain, you must support the troops that are there or are here at home. They are doing there job and their families are desperately missing them and worrying about them so it isn't fair to bash the war when these people have loved ones that are serving their country for you. They are heores and I am thankful, especially for my brother Jonah.

Piper's thoughts on Thanksgiving

"I am thankful for the wonderful food that Grammie and Grandpaw made for us."

"I am thankful for the sky that God made and the lights shining from the moon."

"I am thankful for all the people and even some people that I don't even know that God made."

"I am thankful for Finley."

Happy Thanksgiving

Come, ye thankful people come

Come, ye thankful people, come, raise the song of harvest home;
All is safely gathered in, ere the winter storms begin.
God our Maker doth provide for our wants to be supplied;
Come to God’s own temple, come, raise the song of harvest home.

All the world is God’s own field, fruit unto His praise to yield;
Wheat and tares together sown unto joy or sorrow grown.
First the blade and then the ear, then the full corn shall appear;
Lord of harvest, grant that we wholesome grain and pure may be.

For the Lord our God shall come, and shall take His harvest home;
From His field shall in that day all offenses purge away,
Giving angels charge at last in the fire the tares to cast;
But the fruitful ears to store in His garner evermore.

Even so, Lord, quickly come, bring Thy final harvest home;
Gather Thou Thy people in, free from sorrow, free from sin,
There, forever purified, in Thy garner to abide;
Come, with all Thine angels come, raise the glorious harvest home.

free hugs

inspiring

time...it flies

so, does it seem like Thanksgiving is early this year? I had all these grand plans to make some things to decorate the house and then well, Thanksgiving is next week so it seems pointless now, I need to start on with Christmas projects!

But it will have to wait until after this weekend. Baby shower and another birthday party and jason is out of town right now and Finley dropped a cup of red gatorade from our second story that tumbled and exploded all the way down not missing any opportunity to wash the walls, stairs, floor, furniture in its red stickiness. Some drops even made it into the dining room from the force of the fall. Nice.

So, Christmas projects:

Advent stockings - one for each day until Christmas? or new years?
Tree skirt
actual proper stockings for each of us that reflect our personalities
gifts gifts gifts- another list entirely

that's all i can let my head wrap around at this point.


BUT

I love Thanksgiving, it is my favorite holiday, I'm just not feeling real thankful now that every time I walk down the hall my shoes stick to the tile and make that sound, do you know that sound? the sticky sound een after i have mopped the floor numerous times.

tis the season

are you looking for something unique for that special someone on your list this season? check out etsy and buy handmade!

post about the birthday party to come soon!

do it!

If your life were a soundtrack, what would the music be?

Here's how it works:
1. open your library (iTunes, winamp, media player, iPod)
2. put it on shuffle
3. press play
4. for every question, type the song that's playing
5. new question -- press the next button
6. don't lie and try to pretend you're cool

opening credits:
“Milkshake Song” - kids music-various artists from Songs for Wiggleworms

waking up:
“Recovering the Satellites” by counting crows


first day at school:
“Rocks and Water” by The Weepies

falling in love:
“All I want is You” by U2 - nice

breaking up:
“Flow My Tears” by Sting and Edin Karamazov

prom:
“Shut your eyes” by snow patrol

life's okay:
“Prarie Town” by the wailin jennys


mental breakdown:
“upside down” by jack johnson

driving:
“hospital food” by david gray


flashback:
“wildflowers” by tom petty and the heartbreakers - makes me think of fin as a babe


getting back together:
“I believe in a thing called love” by the darkness - HA!

wedding:
“don't talk” by 10,000 maniacs - hhmm?


birth of child:
“summertime” by the sundays


final battle:
“desire” by U2

death scene:
“super trouper” by ABBA

funeral song:
“from here you can almost see the sea” by david gray


end credits:
“fortunate fool” by jack johnson


phew! how embarrassing it would have been to have a something like "baby got back" make the list!

found this here. have a nice weekend!

My NAME is ALICE!

better late than neverr, the girls in their halloween finery...Alice and the Cheshire Cat




And now on to planning Fin's birthday party that is this Saturday, entertaining 18 2-4 year olds can't be that difficult, right?

Happy Birthday Finley

Today you are two years old. That makes me a little sad, but more than that I am full of joy because to be with you is to know joy.



You are the sunshine in my day, always quick with a smile and a snuggle. You have no shortage of thoughts and words and sentences and jokes to share with us and the way your mind works amazes me on a daily basis.



The other day you walked over to me and asked if you could sit next to me on the couch. You climbed up and snuggled in up next to me. You turned to me with you bright beautiful eyes and said, "can I tell you a secret?" I leaned in and you came up to my ear and so sweetly whispered, "I love you."



I pray that you will grow strong and soft, funny and determined. I pray that you find God's will for your life, because did you know that He had a plan for you even before He created the world? You are special and unique and loved. We are so very blessed to have you as a member of our family. There is nothing you can't do and I will protect you but let you struggle and love you no matter what. Happy Birthday sweet sweet Birdie.

Over the weekend

"Other Parent" Day at labschool for Piper and Jason

cra(p)ft show with my bestest Kelly and Fin

new shoes for the Bird

refinishing furniture all by myself (I did it! Good for me!)

Fin finally entering the pool and learning that she LOVES to swim

a houseguest

family date night to the fair

a little of this and a little of that

thinking of trying this recipe now that it has finally cooled off a bit (like 77* is really cool, right?)

How was your weekend?

snip snip

anxiously anticipating and awaiting this.

truth?

Lately it seems as though I have been struggling with the role of church in my life. It seems like a struggle I've had since college. I grew up in a Christ-centered home and all through my childhood and adolescents I knew what was expected of me as far as going to church on Sundays, going to Sunday school, being involved in various "ministries", etc. Then as I reached early adulthood and was on my own I kind of quit going and rationalized it as that I was only going to be there for a max of 4 years and why get involved only to leave? I was still active in my home church when i came home to visit and I figured that was enough.

Looking back at that time, I know now that it was a mistake to be so flippant about church-going and finding that community of believers. I remember distinct feelings, though, of feeling left out and alone and not fitting in because everyone around me seemed so fake...at church on Sunday but drunk and in someone else's bed the night before. I became cynical and disappointed.

When Jason and I married and started our lives together, we were also very invovled in our small community church. It was a nice fit for us at the time because that church was made of imperfect people who admitted to their faults and weren't afraid of being transparent. The problem was, we had kids, and the church stopped growing so there were not programs in place for young families and we began to feel like going to church was just another job, that we were working every Sunday. It was like feeling too big in clothes you have outgrown, stretching and pulling and uncomfortable and about to rip.

So, we went back to the "Big Baptist Church" of our youth looking for a solution to our problems. The problem is that no church is perfect so we had to decide what we were willing to sacrifice in order to enrich our lives and the lives of our children. What could we overlook, and could we really not let is bother us?

The answer to that is complicated.

One of the things that I love about labschool (the infant-preschool program we are involved in with our girls) is that it is a community, a family. I trust these people with my most valuable possessions, my girls and their safety and well-being. These are people that would do anything for me and my family and in return, i would do the same for them. The interesting thing about these people is that they are of different denominations, different religions, some even with no religion and yet we are a true family, working together towards a common goal helping and supporting each other. They are real, we share our failures as well as our accomplishments, our grief and our overwhelming joy. There is no pretense or qualifications to be a part of this community, it just is.

When I walk into labschool I am not worried that I may be wearing the wrong thing or carrying the wrong bag. I don't feel the stares and hear the whispers. I feel acceptance and belonging. These people have genuine smiles on their faces and really want to know how you're doing that day. There is give and take and love.

Jason and I have had many discussions about these issues. His solution would be to have a group of like-minded believers meeting together on the beach (of course) actually really talking and not worring about speaking "christinese."

Piper has been going to AWANA on Wednesday nights. It is like alittle Bible club for kids and they learn scripture and play games and earn play money for doing certain things. There is parent involvement as well, every week we work in her handbook learning the Bible verse and doing some kind of activity and reading the story. Well, this past week the story really bothered me because it talked about "...God is truthful." The scripture is not what I had the problem with, but the interpretation of that scripture seemed way off base to me. It went on to illustrate that God always keeps his promises (true) and that we make promises as well (true) but when we don't keep our promises we are disobeying (yes, that is the word they use for 3 year olds) God and that is called sin and makes us bad people (oh my, the total opposite of the truth). I'm reading this (for lack of a better word) crap to Piper and trying to explain it while she's asking me about if she will go to jail and I'm stuck. Just the night before we had a labschool meeting on the topic of "praise" and how we need to separate the deed from the doer. For instance, say Piper climbed up the playground thing and slid down the slide and I said "Good girl", well, does that mean that if she climbed up the playground thing and didn't slide down that she is "bad"? Of course not, and so telling kids that when they disobey God's word that they are bad? Well, I don't see any truth in that statement but it is the mentality of the church.

So, what is the solution? I don't know. All I can do is what I think is right for my children and our family. My fear is the mixed messages that we receive, that we aren't good enough to belong, that material things could make us good enough, that we are not ok for the way we choose to parent our children and what we teach them is not "christian" enough. The thing I want most for my girls is that they become independent thinkers and problem solvers. If they are eqipped with those things then they can figure out the truth from the quasi-truth and that will be enough.

It's painful, growing up.

for my girls

i carry your heart - e.e. cummings

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)

i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

If it's on the interentis must be true...

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HA!

where did the time go?

The 6th of October already and that means that I am already behind on geting the girls' costumes made. I told myself last year that I wanted to start their costumes super early this year so there wouldn't be this rush to get them finished.

But, the girls, well, they had other plans.

"What do you want to be this year?"

another day, another different answer, mostly involving some sort of princess. Then I would throw in an opinion, "How about a pirate?" And the "YEAH MOM! I WANT TO BE A PRINCESS PIRATE!"

right. so.

Then Piper came up with the idea of Max from "Where the Wild Things Are" (one of my all time favorites) and Fin was to be a "wild thing" which she doesn't really need a costume for but anyway. I was haveing a difficult time envisioning them in these furry full-body suits in what is sure to be 80-90 degree weather. Veto.

I do like the idea of them being a pair or having costumes that relate to each other. So we racked our brains (not really) and we (I) have reached a decision and I'm not asking them anymore because they always change their answer. They dress up like princesses ona daily basis because without the TV on they really like to do imaginative play and dressing up is one of their top of the list activities so I didn't want to go with anything princess-y.

Piper - Alice from Alice in Wonderland


Finley - the chesire cat



Jason - the Queen of Hearts (just kidding, or am I?)



I got the blue cotton for Alice's dress for $1 a yard and you can't beat that and that sort of sealed the deal for me. Now I just have to get it done and this is not the month to crank stuff out because we have 2 night meetings to host for labschool and tons of other stuff, so much stuff I had to skip m monthly bunko game because we were out very night last week. phew!

Not only that, but Finley's birthday is right around the corner (what am I gonna do for that? ideas? she'll be 2!) And this weekend I get to go to Orlando to help my best friend register for her baby girl!

could this post have been more boring? That's what you get when I'm up at 5am to go to spinning class, by this time of day my brain is fried!

fishes

Look at that girl. I am so proud of her. We started swimming lessons last week and I wish we had started at the beginning of the summer. She was terrified to put her face in the water and would not go under the water. Well, 2 days of lessons and she's practically jumping in and now she is our little fish swimming all the way across the pool. Yesterday she had her 2 second float down (or up as the case may be) and you can just see in her face her sense of accomplishment and then of course she'll let you know, "I'm so proud of myself!"




Now, the birdie on the other hand does not enjoy her 10 minute lesson every day. Eventhough she cries pretty much the entire time, she is also swimming and a better floater than Piper. She can't cry under water, so the only other option is to swim. We have their lesson after school every day and as soon as we leave the school parking lot and head towards the instructors house you can hear her saying her mantra:"I don't want to go to swimming lessons. I don't want to go to swimming lesons." The both are working really hard, and as a result, both are very tired and sometimes skip lunch because they have fallen asleep in the car on the way home. We are so ortunate that it is still 90+ degrees here. Really, soooo fortunate. Our weatherman is tempting us with temps in the low 80's this weekend.

We'll see.

weighing in...

135.6

not great, but a start.

Piper Speak

yesterday at school, Piper made a variation of a "stress ball" with a balloon filled with flour. When I picked her up she showed me that she had made one for each member of our family and then she told me:

"Hey Mom, look at this! Do you know what this looks like?(pulling at the end of the balloon that is tied off) It looks like a nipple. Like your nipples mommy on you big boobs! You have really big nipples and really big boobs!"

(meanwhile all the other parents are snickering and as i am sure, checking out the "girls")

Weighing In...

I have reached a decision and today is my staring point. I am swallowing my pride (and alot of other things apparently) and posting how much I weigh because i have decided that i need to be accountable and each week i will weigh in, not because I need your validation or affirmation but because i need something that makes me look at where I am and where I want to be and how I am doing in the process.

I have become disgusted with my body. Since i have had children i have gone back and forth and at this point I can feel it all over. A little snug here, a full face, even my feet feel pudgy to me. This morning Piper asked me "what is in your big belly?" Not only that, but I feel lousy. I don't have energy or stamina and i feel just plain gross. It is affecting almost all areas of my life and so really this is going to become a life makeover. It is starting with the house and my body. We can work together. As I fix up the house and make it a home, I'll fix up my body and make it a temple. then comes the self image work. I am not a waif, i have an athletic body and that has been ok with me because I've always played sports. Varsity vollyball, basketball, soaftball, and tennis from 9th grade until i graduated in college, so I am not trying to be that skinny thing, just healthy and toned and strong.

There is no secret magiacl diet I will follow. Just eating less and more nutritious and exercising more. I will not deprive myself, but I will moderate what I am putting into my body. I will be aware and not be a bystander.

So, today is the day. Will you join me?

I weigh 138.2 pounds at 5'4".

My goal is 120 pounds.

That's about 20 pounds I want to lose.

I guess there should be a time frame, so let's say by Thanksgiving, that's 9 weeks. Does that sound accurate? That's about 2 pounds a week. That seems too easy?

ps - I dyed my hair back to 1/2 shade darker than my natural color and when i picked up Piper after having it done she says, "Mama, you painted your hair black!?!? Can I paint my hair black?"

I didn't think it was that dark but anyway, I'll try to post before and afters. I like it but it is taking some getting used to.

Read

this

Happy Birthday Dad!

the best grandpaw ever!