Monday, October 23, 2006

Over the weekend

"Other Parent" Day at labschool for Piper and Jason

cra(p)ft show with my bestest Kelly and Fin

new shoes for the Bird

refinishing furniture all by myself (I did it! Good for me!)

Fin finally entering the pool and learning that she LOVES to swim

a houseguest

family date night to the fair

a little of this and a little of that

thinking of trying this recipe now that it has finally cooled off a bit (like 77* is really cool, right?)

How was your weekend?

Sunday, October 22, 2006

snip snip

anxiously anticipating and awaiting this.

Thursday, October 19, 2006


Lately it seems as though I have been struggling with the role of church in my life. It seems like a struggle I've had since college. I grew up in a Christ-centered home and all through my childhood and adolescents I knew what was expected of me as far as going to church on Sundays, going to Sunday school, being involved in various "ministries", etc. Then as I reached early adulthood and was on my own I kind of quit going and rationalized it as that I was only going to be there for a max of 4 years and why get involved only to leave? I was still active in my home church when i came home to visit and I figured that was enough.

Looking back at that time, I know now that it was a mistake to be so flippant about church-going and finding that community of believers. I remember distinct feelings, though, of feeling left out and alone and not fitting in because everyone around me seemed so church on Sunday but drunk and in someone else's bed the night before. I became cynical and disappointed.

When Jason and I married and started our lives together, we were also very invovled in our small community church. It was a nice fit for us at the time because that church was made of imperfect people who admitted to their faults and weren't afraid of being transparent. The problem was, we had kids, and the church stopped growing so there were not programs in place for young families and we began to feel like going to church was just another job, that we were working every Sunday. It was like feeling too big in clothes you have outgrown, stretching and pulling and uncomfortable and about to rip.

So, we went back to the "Big Baptist Church" of our youth looking for a solution to our problems. The problem is that no church is perfect so we had to decide what we were willing to sacrifice in order to enrich our lives and the lives of our children. What could we overlook, and could we really not let is bother us?

The answer to that is complicated.

One of the things that I love about labschool (the infant-preschool program we are involved in with our girls) is that it is a community, a family. I trust these people with my most valuable possessions, my girls and their safety and well-being. These are people that would do anything for me and my family and in return, i would do the same for them. The interesting thing about these people is that they are of different denominations, different religions, some even with no religion and yet we are a true family, working together towards a common goal helping and supporting each other. They are real, we share our failures as well as our accomplishments, our grief and our overwhelming joy. There is no pretense or qualifications to be a part of this community, it just is.

When I walk into labschool I am not worried that I may be wearing the wrong thing or carrying the wrong bag. I don't feel the stares and hear the whispers. I feel acceptance and belonging. These people have genuine smiles on their faces and really want to know how you're doing that day. There is give and take and love.

Jason and I have had many discussions about these issues. His solution would be to have a group of like-minded believers meeting together on the beach (of course) actually really talking and not worring about speaking "christinese."

Piper has been going to AWANA on Wednesday nights. It is like alittle Bible club for kids and they learn scripture and play games and earn play money for doing certain things. There is parent involvement as well, every week we work in her handbook learning the Bible verse and doing some kind of activity and reading the story. Well, this past week the story really bothered me because it talked about "...God is truthful." The scripture is not what I had the problem with, but the interpretation of that scripture seemed way off base to me. It went on to illustrate that God always keeps his promises (true) and that we make promises as well (true) but when we don't keep our promises we are disobeying (yes, that is the word they use for 3 year olds) God and that is called sin and makes us bad people (oh my, the total opposite of the truth). I'm reading this (for lack of a better word) crap to Piper and trying to explain it while she's asking me about if she will go to jail and I'm stuck. Just the night before we had a labschool meeting on the topic of "praise" and how we need to separate the deed from the doer. For instance, say Piper climbed up the playground thing and slid down the slide and I said "Good girl", well, does that mean that if she climbed up the playground thing and didn't slide down that she is "bad"? Of course not, and so telling kids that when they disobey God's word that they are bad? Well, I don't see any truth in that statement but it is the mentality of the church.

So, what is the solution? I don't know. All I can do is what I think is right for my children and our family. My fear is the mixed messages that we receive, that we aren't good enough to belong, that material things could make us good enough, that we are not ok for the way we choose to parent our children and what we teach them is not "christian" enough. The thing I want most for my girls is that they become independent thinkers and problem solvers. If they are eqipped with those things then they can figure out the truth from the quasi-truth and that will be enough.

It's painful, growing up.

Monday, October 16, 2006

for my girls

i carry your heart - e.e. cummings

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)

i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

Thursday, October 12, 2006

If it's on the interentis must be true...

Are You a Slacker Mom?

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How do you do it? Even when explosions are all around, you are able to take a deep cleansing breath and chant your mantra "this too shall pass." You are a calming influence on your kids in a hectic world.

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Friday, October 06, 2006

where did the time go?

The 6th of October already and that means that I am already behind on geting the girls' costumes made. I told myself last year that I wanted to start their costumes super early this year so there wouldn't be this rush to get them finished.

But, the girls, well, they had other plans.

"What do you want to be this year?"

another day, another different answer, mostly involving some sort of princess. Then I would throw in an opinion, "How about a pirate?" And the "YEAH MOM! I WANT TO BE A PRINCESS PIRATE!"

right. so.

Then Piper came up with the idea of Max from "Where the Wild Things Are" (one of my all time favorites) and Fin was to be a "wild thing" which she doesn't really need a costume for but anyway. I was haveing a difficult time envisioning them in these furry full-body suits in what is sure to be 80-90 degree weather. Veto.

I do like the idea of them being a pair or having costumes that relate to each other. So we racked our brains (not really) and we (I) have reached a decision and I'm not asking them anymore because they always change their answer. They dress up like princesses ona daily basis because without the TV on they really like to do imaginative play and dressing up is one of their top of the list activities so I didn't want to go with anything princess-y.

Piper - Alice from Alice in Wonderland

Finley - the chesire cat

Jason - the Queen of Hearts (just kidding, or am I?)

I got the blue cotton for Alice's dress for $1 a yard and you can't beat that and that sort of sealed the deal for me. Now I just have to get it done and this is not the month to crank stuff out because we have 2 night meetings to host for labschool and tons of other stuff, so much stuff I had to skip m monthly bunko game because we were out very night last week. phew!

Not only that, but Finley's birthday is right around the corner (what am I gonna do for that? ideas? she'll be 2!) And this weekend I get to go to Orlando to help my best friend register for her baby girl!

could this post have been more boring? That's what you get when I'm up at 5am to go to spinning class, by this time of day my brain is fried!

Wednesday, October 04, 2006


Look at that girl. I am so proud of her. We started swimming lessons last week and I wish we had started at the beginning of the summer. She was terrified to put her face in the water and would not go under the water. Well, 2 days of lessons and she's practically jumping in and now she is our little fish swimming all the way across the pool. Yesterday she had her 2 second float down (or up as the case may be) and you can just see in her face her sense of accomplishment and then of course she'll let you know, "I'm so proud of myself!"

Now, the birdie on the other hand does not enjoy her 10 minute lesson every day. Eventhough she cries pretty much the entire time, she is also swimming and a better floater than Piper. She can't cry under water, so the only other option is to swim. We have their lesson after school every day and as soon as we leave the school parking lot and head towards the instructors house you can hear her saying her mantra:"I don't want to go to swimming lessons. I don't want to go to swimming lesons." The both are working really hard, and as a result, both are very tired and sometimes skip lunch because they have fallen asleep in the car on the way home. We are so ortunate that it is still 90+ degrees here. Really, soooo fortunate. Our weatherman is tempting us with temps in the low 80's this weekend.

We'll see.

Sunday, October 01, 2006

weighing in...


not great, but a start.