Monday, August 29, 2005

21 Questions

My girls are 2.5 years old and 9.5 months old and already have a busier social calendar than me. We are committed to something every morning of the week except Fridays and even that day has the possibility of a commitment in the future. I like it this way, though, because it also keeps me busy and not able to get depressed because honestly I don't have time to be down. But it does make me think about the fact that it is all too easy to let your children become your identity when all you do is for them and with them.

I am now becoming "Piper's Mom" or "Finley's Mom" or even "Jason's Wife." Far away are the days when I was "Shannon." The days when boys lusted after me, children were things that I played with and returned when they got needy, nights that became morning without seeing sleep, and I shopped for "make him pant" clothes. Now it's more like babies that lust after the "boob", children returned to me when they get needy, nights that still see no sleep but in a bad way, and clothes that I don't care if they get thrown up on.

I need to better myself someway. I don't take a class, start a business (a definite possibility right now), do something that reflects who I am as me, of course that is what needs defining. Now when I think about what I just wrote it's like, blah blah blah...these are things that you will always question I think throughout your life because your life is constantly changing. Jason and I always talk about how ever since we started dating it's like our life has been a whirlwind of jobs and marriage, and houses, and kids, and jobs and lawsuits and kids and houses etc. And we don't really see a time soon when it will slow down. That's ok though because I have the most amazing people to share it with.

Jason: "Do you know how many questions I had to answer?"
Me: "How many?"
Jason: "21. So, do you wanna play 21 question? *wink wink*"
Me: "It's 20 questions, dear."


Danielle said...

Shannon, that is "Shannon"...! I have felt that same way many a times. I do have to say that now that i have a job and "my own" life outside of my children, i do feel differently. It's trying to find the happy-medium that is hard though. I love this new life that i have, but it also comes with a sacrifice...i no longer get to spend as much time with the girls. I wish that i could have both. I guess i'm trying to say that you should appreciate what you have right now, knowing that you'll have another opportunity to be "Shannon" once again. It seems like it's difficult to establish both at the same time, so take it in strides. Know that there will be a time when you'll wish that you were known as "Jason's wife" and "Piper and Finley's mom" instead of "Shannon". It's complicated isn't it!? And i really do think that it's more difficult for us younger moms. Maybe we jumped in feet first too soon. But on the other hand, maybe we didn't!

shannon dowdell said...

I am exhausted now, I can't imagine being an older mom and trying to keep up with them! and you're right, the grassis always greener. You makemefeel like "Shannon", thanks!