Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Too much information about my tatas

Well, it is a little difficult to follow-up that post from Bono but let me say it has got me thinkin...the wheels turning in my brain and I have decided that I must do something.

But for now, let's move on to more, ahem, pressing matters. I went bra shopping yesterday. Yes, I will be referencing the girls so tune out if you will be offended. My poor poor boobies. They have served me well, got me a man (although he really is a butt man), helped me keep that man, gotten me out of a few sticky situations, and nourished two babies. It is the nourishment that really got to them...actually the whole I'm pregnant and for some reason my boobs have to triple in size over night and them triple again and fill up with pounds, yes pounds, of milk and then be sucked dry. They've given up, the white flag of surrender has been waved and they are so depressed that they can only look down towards the ground. They need a savior, an uplifter, a crane if you will to restore them to their previous glory.

And so I enter the world's most over-hyped lingerie store with a cup half-full (haha, pun intended, I crack myself up sometimes) attitude and search for the bra of all bras that will restore my faith in cleavage. Part of my problem is that I don't fill up the entire cup that the measurements say that I always gaps around the top, so the ever so patient sales woman who heard my entire birth story of both my girls and the subsequent tale of breastfeeding and into the benefits of breastfeeding and blah blah blah (I don't get out much without my kids) anyway, where was I? Oh, the sales woman directs me to their new "scientifically engineered" "amazing uplifter" of a bra. She continues to tell me about all of its features walking me through the bra as if it is a car that I am about to test drive and then it is on to the fitting rooms and I am full of hope and anticipation. This bra, this bra could change my life.

Have you ever tried on a water bra? Those are about the funniest things I have ever seen. My mom and I used to go shopping together and when we would try on bras we would practically pee in out pants from the humiliation that ensues from all the different style.

So there I am in the dressing room thinking this could be "the one" and I try it on. And I think...

Well, at least my boob aren't growing out of my chin from being pushed up so high. They are definitely prominent and there is definitely some cleavage going on and I do fill out the whole cup. It's soft enough and tagless which is good, but I dunno...I jut feel blah about it and so I decide to buy it along with another one that is more of an everyday bra whereas this is definitely a date bra, and if you don't know the difference, well then you need to look at yourself in your normal comfy bra that you wear daily and then try on one of those enhancer bras and have the girls at full attention ready to slay any man that comes within eye-poking distance - the date bra.

My tatas are happier today and thankful that I paid some attention to their plight. In the end that's all anyone really wants, right? be heard.

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