Tonight was date nite for me and jason and especially because he had been gone all of last week, we decided to go somewhere for a quiet dinner and there aren't really any movies that we feel like wasting money or, more importantly, time on, Jason hada plan of his own for what we were going to do after dinner.
So, we're driving and he takes me to this gazebo that is at the end of a dock overlooking the Banana River that just so happens to be at a hospital. This place has great significance for us as a couple. Jason used to come to this place before we started dating to gain inspiration for his life and his goals.
Then when we started dating, a few date into our relationship, he took me here to "come clean" about all the questionable things he had done in his past, his "skeletons in the closet." He didn't want to get to deep into a relationship with me only to have it unravel when I found out things he had done (that weren't really all that bad anyway).
The next time he took me to this special place was the night that he proposed. I thought when we got there that that was the place that he was going to propose and when he didn't I was kinda upset, actually I was disappointed and mad at him and sulked and pouted (which I am quite good at doing) all the way through dinner. He did porpose and it was beautiful...on my parents' dock lit with torches over the river in the summer with the crickets and water lapping against the wood and the air hot and heavy with humidity, the only other light coming from the moon reflecting on the water...
The next time I had a view of the gazebo was from my hospital room on the maternity floor the night I gave birth to Piper. And then from the emergency room entrance as I checked into the hospital to give birth to Finley.
And then tonight. We have come so far and I'm proud of our little family. Jason has become the best kind of father who is loving and tender and nurturing and compassionate. We were talking in the car on the way to dinner about how men and women differ in their ways of thinking about their children and their emotions toward their children. He talked about the feeling of needing to provide and the responsibility it was to care for his children. I talked about the primal instinct to protect and care and nurture my babies and the love that causes my heart to feel like it will literally burst in my chest.
Tonight when we returned home, Piper was still awake (we weren't surprised) and I layed down with her while I read to her and put her to sleep. I don't normally lay next to her but I did tonight and as I layed there I felt her warm breath on my arm and felt her tiny hand in mine and then... my cup runneth over.