Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Sinking

I am at the very end of my rope and it is unraveling fast. I am physically exhausted. I am very short with my girls and I keep getting set off by the smallest thing and yelling at them. I hate yelling. I hate this feeling. I hate being angry with them. I feel so guilty. Each time I yell and they look back at me with eyes welling up with tears my heart sinks down into my chest and feels like it weighs so much that i can't breath. There is so much to do and I can't get it done because I have no motivation and every spare minute that the girls are awake i have to have them in my sights so that other things are not destroyed.

I keep telling myself:

The moment is as it is

What you resist will persist

It will get easier, just when?

see? I most definitely do not have it together.

3 comments:

Alina said...

I am sorry you are feeling down like this lately. That is worst feeling when your child looks at you that way after you have yelled at them. Do you try occupying them with something paticular that they enjoy and give yourself a few mins to yourself. Have you tried counting to 10, deep breathing or walking away for a min.... I know you have probably heard this before but it really helps. How about taking the girls to like a playgroup....or family member can keep an eye on them for 30mins or an hour. How about when the hubby is home can you get time to yourself? Sorry for all this rambling....but remember GOD will never give you more than you can handle :)

Beth said...

I think we have all had days like you are describing..sometimes weeks. I know there is nothing I can really do to help due to distance but if it helps to talk then I'm hear to listen. Hang in there.

jody said...

Thanks for the post. It helps to know that I am not alone. When reading your post I felt as though I could have written it. I have been short with my girls lately, too. I try not to yell, yet sometimes it seems as though I'm going to explode if I don't let something out. After the explosion though, I rarely feel better. Instead I just feel guilty. I find that I'm more on edge when I need to get something done or when I haven't had enough of time away. I hope you get a break soon. Until then, remember all the good things you and your kids do together. They're more likely to remember the loads of fun you've had and not the few tense moments here and there.