fishes

Look at that girl. I am so proud of her. We started swimming lessons last week and I wish we had started at the beginning of the summer. She was terrified to put her face in the water and would not go under the water. Well, 2 days of lessons and she's practically jumping in and now she is our little fish swimming all the way across the pool. Yesterday she had her 2 second float down (or up as the case may be) and you can just see in her face her sense of accomplishment and then of course she'll let you know, "I'm so proud of myself!"




Now, the birdie on the other hand does not enjoy her 10 minute lesson every day. Eventhough she cries pretty much the entire time, she is also swimming and a better floater than Piper. She can't cry under water, so the only other option is to swim. We have their lesson after school every day and as soon as we leave the school parking lot and head towards the instructors house you can hear her saying her mantra:"I don't want to go to swimming lessons. I don't want to go to swimming lesons." The both are working really hard, and as a result, both are very tired and sometimes skip lunch because they have fallen asleep in the car on the way home. We are so ortunate that it is still 90+ degrees here. Really, soooo fortunate. Our weatherman is tempting us with temps in the low 80's this weekend.

We'll see.

weighing in...

135.6

not great, but a start.

Piper Speak

yesterday at school, Piper made a variation of a "stress ball" with a balloon filled with flour. When I picked her up she showed me that she had made one for each member of our family and then she told me:

"Hey Mom, look at this! Do you know what this looks like?(pulling at the end of the balloon that is tied off) It looks like a nipple. Like your nipples mommy on you big boobs! You have really big nipples and really big boobs!"

(meanwhile all the other parents are snickering and as i am sure, checking out the "girls")

Weighing In...

I have reached a decision and today is my staring point. I am swallowing my pride (and alot of other things apparently) and posting how much I weigh because i have decided that i need to be accountable and each week i will weigh in, not because I need your validation or affirmation but because i need something that makes me look at where I am and where I want to be and how I am doing in the process.

I have become disgusted with my body. Since i have had children i have gone back and forth and at this point I can feel it all over. A little snug here, a full face, even my feet feel pudgy to me. This morning Piper asked me "what is in your big belly?" Not only that, but I feel lousy. I don't have energy or stamina and i feel just plain gross. It is affecting almost all areas of my life and so really this is going to become a life makeover. It is starting with the house and my body. We can work together. As I fix up the house and make it a home, I'll fix up my body and make it a temple. then comes the self image work. I am not a waif, i have an athletic body and that has been ok with me because I've always played sports. Varsity vollyball, basketball, soaftball, and tennis from 9th grade until i graduated in college, so I am not trying to be that skinny thing, just healthy and toned and strong.

There is no secret magiacl diet I will follow. Just eating less and more nutritious and exercising more. I will not deprive myself, but I will moderate what I am putting into my body. I will be aware and not be a bystander.

So, today is the day. Will you join me?

I weigh 138.2 pounds at 5'4".

My goal is 120 pounds.

That's about 20 pounds I want to lose.

I guess there should be a time frame, so let's say by Thanksgiving, that's 9 weeks. Does that sound accurate? That's about 2 pounds a week. That seems too easy?

ps - I dyed my hair back to 1/2 shade darker than my natural color and when i picked up Piper after having it done she says, "Mama, you painted your hair black!?!? Can I paint my hair black?"

I didn't think it was that dark but anyway, I'll try to post before and afters. I like it but it is taking some getting used to.

Read

this

Happy Birthday Dad!

the best grandpaw ever!

life in pictures

her first day was a success. her second day was AWESOME! I think I must explain labschool a little...it is a parent co-op program in which we receive education about the development of our chid and also participate with our children during the actual "school time". Piper attended the toddler program last year and we went once a week and I was with her the whole time facilitating her learning through playing (the philosophy of labschool is learn by doing). This year she's a 3-day "preschool kid" (she likes to call herself in regards to anything she does that makes her feel grown-up) and i work one day a week but instead of it being just me and her i am in charge of 4 kids throughout the day among other responsibilities. It is an amazing program and I wouldn't want her anywhere else. it has really challeneged my thinking about learning and schooling and Piper has just really adjusted so well, it's me that has had a difficult time letting go as is the case most of the time.




All of the parents stayed the first day as it was sort of an orientation for the kids and then this past wednesday was her first real day. It didn't hit me until i wa son my way to pick her up that she really is a "kid" now. All the working parents said she had an awesome day. It is difficult for me to describe the level of comfort I feel knowing that she is in an environment with adults that really care about her and feel similar to me about parenting issues and philosophies.




This is Fin. She is just so different from Piper. She is all about living life to it's fullest and making sure you know how she feels about things especially when things are not, in her opinion, the way they should be. This was her first day of the toddler program at labschool. We are going 1 day a week and i'm so excited to experience this with her.



I sometimes worry about the way I interact with Finley compared to the way I interacted with Piper when she was that age. The second one just doesn't seem to get any breaks, you know? So, I'm really happy that we are getting to do something together, just me and the birdie. Her first day was also amazing although she was exhausted about three-quartes of the way through and got kinda grumpy.



Here is a project I'm working on right now (in my spare time, ha!). I bought these chairs and a table at the goodwill for $50. The chairs had these covers that weren't that bad from a design aspect but they were incredibly dirty and filled with that musty ciggarette smoke smell so they needed to be recovered. I have one finished. But, I really like how it turned out. Then this week i got the west elm catalog in the mail and saw some very similar chairs for like $199 each! I had to pat myself on the back for that and that mine are actually vintage rather than "vintage inspired."



And our stairs. Nice, huh? I am so embarassed to show them and cringe whenever we have people over and they see the dismay state of these poor steps. We tore the carpet off these stairs 2 YEARS ago before we even moved into this house. We were set on finishing them in wood ourselves and you can see where that got us. Jason is very efficient in many areas, in handy things around the house however, he is no Bob Vila and i finally decided to take matters into my own hands and call someone and now are stairs wil be finished next week! I can hardly wait! It's funny. When we moved into this house we thought we got this incredible deal, and we did compared to what we could sell this house for now, but after living here for just a few months it was apparent that we had a strong dislike for the neighborhood and the outside cracker-box architecture of the house still makes want to sort of vomit. BUT, then we had another baby and then we had a lawsuit and then and then and then...life, life, life. Now? We love the pool that we put in and the landscaping is 75% finished and we painted the house which makes me want to vomit less. We still dislike the neighborhood and location but are set that we need to stay here until we can afford to buy land (a lot if it) and build our own house that we will live in forever where our girls can be married and bring back their own families to visit. So, in the mean time, I really want to focus on making our house a home for my family (it's about time, right?). Besides, home is really just where your family is, not the place you mops the floors (which I did today thank you very much, i hate mopping).

FIGHT TEAM FIGHT

GO SEMINOLES!

FIGHT TEAM FIGHT!

SCALP 'EM!


F-L-O-R-I-D-A S-T-A-T-E

FLORIDA STATE!
FLORIDA STATE!
FLORIDA STATE!

WOOO!

it's football season my friends!

Leaving the nest

Tomorrow is Piper's big day, her first day of preschool. We've been preparing for this day for the past couple weeks, reading books, talking about what she'll do at school, seeing friends that she will be going to school with, meeting her teacher, and visiting the school.

I'll write more and have pictures tomorrow, now, I'm tired.

And sad.

Living in Twilight
The Weepies

You look darkly on the day,
with memories to light your way.
A little sad but it's all right.
We always living in twilight.

No one knocks upon your door
until you don't care anymore.
A little alone but it's all right.
We are always living in twilight.

Living in a dream,
walking in between the sunrise and sunset.
Living in a dream,
walking in between sunset and sunrise.

You get tied up in your day,
so I let go and walk away.
And now we're loose ends of the night.
We are always living in twilight.

So it goes,
though no one knows you like they used to do.
Have a drink, the sky is sinking toward a deeper blue.
And you're still all right,
step out into twilight.

So i stumble home at night
like I've stumbled through my life,
with ghosts and visions in my sight.
We are always living in twilight

so, sew

with ernesto looming and school cancelled and everything closed and a horrific amount of pain from a pinched nerve in my neck or back or shoulder, finally an update with pictures of some of the sewing i've been doing. Please excuse the incredibly lousy pictures...the lighting is bad and apparently I don't know how to take pictures of non-living things.




First, this bag that I call my "Back to school bag" inspired by this lovely crafter. The handles are measuring tapes.



You can find a very helpful tutorial here and you can make your own or comission me to make one for you! It would be my pleasure :)




Next, a gift made for a little friend of Piper's for her birthday. She is three now and needed a "3" t-shirt. She is one of Piper's more "girly" friends and very into the whole princess thing so the princess fabric was found and made into a little backpack using this tutorial and then she had to have a marker roll and art pad to carry around as a sort of little art-on-the-go kit. I'm loving the little embellished t-shirts I've been doing for birthdays. These are more examples of others doing the t-shirt thing...



the marker roll. I had made one of these for Piper a while back and couldn't remember what I had used at the thing to make it sturdy (i'm so technical here) so I used this heavy interfacing for this one and it turned out to stiff for my taste but it gets the job done.



and a dress for Piper sewn a while back. it is reversible and the inside is a cute paper dolls fabric.



more to come when i have time to fiddle with the camera and figure out how to make my work "say cheese". Oh, I almost forgot, I sold my first bag this week and was comissioned for another one from someone else who saw the first one. Although, I think this woman may just be being nice, jason says that when people part with their money it isn't about just being "nice". I'm excited. we'll see.

stolen

from kellie

August 2001:

How old were you? 22

Where did you work? kindergarten teacher at a private school

Where did you live? Florida

Where did you hang out? home

How was your hair style? chin length bob, really ugly

Did you wear glasses? no

Who was your best friend? jason

Who was your regular-person crush? jason

How many tattoos did you have? 0

How many piercings did you have? 4

What car did you drive? ford explorer sport

What was your favorite band/group? U2

What was your worst fear? failure

Had you smoked a cigarette yet? yes

Had you driven yet? yes

Had you been arrested? no

Had you been to a real party yet? yes

Had your heart broken? not so much but i had broken a few

Single/Taken/Married/Divorced/Bitter: married 3 months


August 2006

How old are you? 27

What grade are you in? eventually going back to school but i don't know when

Where do you go to school? labschool

Where do you work? home

Where do you live? florida

Where do you hang out? home, my monthly bunko game, fabric stores, labschool

Do you have braces? no

Do you wear glasses? no

Who are your best friends? jason and kelly (we were best friends in high school and then not so much and now best friends again and i'm so happy about that)

Still talk to any of your old friends? yes

Who is your celebrity crush? hmm, nobody really...Jason is really hot so i don't need a celebrity, he's my celebrity

How many piercings do you have? still 4 (2 in both ears although i rarely wear earrings) and i want to get my nose pierced but i'm too chicken

How many tattoos? 0

What kind of car do you have? Land Rover LR3

What is your favorite band/group? U2

What is your biggest fear? anything that has to do with the safety and well being of my family and still failure

Have you been arrested since if so how many times total? 0

Has your heart been broken? since then? not so much, but my heart breaks a little each time I have to leave my girls and they are sad

Single/Taken/Married/Divorced/Bitter: so totally married

There's nothing like it...

an afternoon thunderstorm

a bag of hot popped organic popcorn

a family movie

and a warm snuggle on the couch with my girls...

so i am watching project runway and if you watch it you know that commercial for loreal true match makeup with the makeup artist guy giving you a lesson on "flawless daytime makeup"? well his voice has some weird click in it and well, he looks sort of odd.

he creeps me out.

really. i have to close my eyes and plug my ears and hum a little tune or turn the channel because seriously, he gives me the heebie jeebies.

and also it is so not cool for jeff to be making angela's mom cry.

so. not. cool.

When jason is away...

So, Jason is out of town, again, this time in Philadelphia which makes me burstout into "PHILADELPHIA FREEDOM" which scares my children, and I have about 34 minutes until project runway starts andI should be getting the girls stuff together for tomorrow morning but, nah, i don't really feel like being productive.

I thought I might make a list of the things I want/need to make and then realized that most of these things need to be made before Saturday. hhmmmmm...

my list:
1. Backpack, marker roll, smock, t-shirt - for friend of Piper, birthday party Sat.
2. marker roll - ditto friend, ditto party Sat

(***both of these parties are at the same dress up place at different times on Saturday***)

ps - the 2nd marker roll friend's mother told us no gifts so is it wrong to take him just a teeny tiny little something...it's his birthday...please?

3. Finish machine-made patchwork purse (i hate that word - purse - ) for my mom - need to quilt one side and do lining and straps and sew it all up
4. Frame print for my mom - birhday on Sunday
5.make peach cobbler for BBQ/pool party on Sunday with friends (none of which have children and actually only 2 other married couples, should be interesting since I am constantly feeling like a living form of birth control around non married, childless people)


other than that, I got my first custom order this week for a tote/toddler bag. I'm trying not to get too excited about it, but someone is actually willing to pay me for making them a bag, itis pretty dang awesome. I just hope she is pleased with her purchase and tells all her friends.

23 minutes left...

I turned down the job I was offered this week. it was a very part time job that I would love, however the pay was only about $1200/year after the expense of childcare and it just isn't the right time for my family. I really have a peace and relief about the decision I made and that I actually made a decision. And now that i got that custom order, i think I may just give the sewing thing a good try. And I do believe that the opportunity will be presented again and hopefully at the right time for me to accept.

I love labschool. it is just so awesome and modern in an old-fashioned kind of way. Piper starts preschool next week and Finley starts the toddler program the week after that, we visited the school today and they are so excited. You know when you can see their whole body smile?, it was that kind of joy and excitement.

I'll leave you with this, my new favorite thought:

"it's never too late to be what you might have been"

I wish you well

Displaced
- Azure Ray

It's just a simple line
I can still hear it all of the time
If i can just hold on tonight
I know that nothing
Nothing survives
Nothing survives

I think i'm turned around
I'm looking up
Not looking down
And when i'm standing still
Watching you run
Watching you fall
Fall into me

Am i making something worthwhile out of this place
Am i making something worthwhile out of this chase
I am displaced
I am displaced

And she's my friend of all friends
She's still here when everyone's gone
She doesn't have to say a thing
We'll just keep laughing all night long
All night long

Am i making something worthwhile out of this place
Am i making something worthwhile out of this chase
I am displaced
I am displaced

It's just a simple line
I can still hear it all of the time
If i can just hold on tonight
I know that no one
No one survives
No one survives.

She's gonna be a ROCK STAR

sewing

some recent and not so recent sewing projects that you can't really see due to the attitude problems with the models...




seriously, what's up with the faces?




like the blouse, like the cute cropped wide leg pants, not sure if i like them together, overkill with the matchy-matchy?

before i forget

i have to get these things down before they become that thought that I can't quite remember:

#1 - last night as jason was preparing for his weekly tennis match with my dad and his dentist he mentioned to Piper that he was getting ready to leave for tennis with Grandpaw and could she pray for him that he beats grandpaw and mr. rick (the dentist). So Piper "lays hands" on Jason's shoulders, bows her head, closes her eyes and prays,

"GOD! please help daddy to beat grandpaw and that other guy at tennis tonight...amen."

funny thing is, he did beat them...ask and you shall receive.

#2 - tonight at dinner Piper says -

"DAD! do you see my bookmark?"

"what Piper?"

"my bookmark, Dad, do you see it, my bookmark?"

"your bookmark? what bookmark?"

"on my arm, right here, my bookmark!"

"Oh, yes, I see your birthmark right there on your arm"

"yeah, my bookmark"

Piper Speak

overheard in our house:

"Mom, do you know who made your big boobs? God. God made you the biggest boobs and He talks to me in my heart."

to Finley while in the bathtub:

"Finley, do you have any questions about the muffin man?"

my baby

maybe

recently (as in yesterday) I spoke with someone I hadn't spoken to in a couple weeks and the first thing she asked me was, are you pregnant?

then, I was talking to jason who is in California and he said that he had run into Jennifer Laycock (hi jennifer!) who is pregnant and she asked him if I was pregnant?

And, my best friend is pregnant ( woohoo kelly!)

kinda makes me want to get pregnant...

well,not really...

but maybe...

shannon? hello? remember the wedding you're in and the 10 year high school reunion both next summer? get skinny, remember?

BUT, if I was pregnant then I would have and excuse to be fat, and if I got pregnant right now then I would have a little bit of time to lose the weight before these events and if a celebrity can do it (with thehelp of a personal trainer and working out 24 hours a day and a personal chef) than I can definitley do it (with a baby attached to my boob). Oh, and the cleavage from the nursing boobs!

no, no, no, not right now (keep telling myself that)

stolen

from kellie...


1. Start Time: 6:35 AM
2. Name: shannon
3. Nickname: sha - but only a very few people call me this
4. Astrology sign: picese
5. Gender: Female
7. Hair color: light brown
8. Eye color: green, hazel, sometimes grey
10. Favorite color: blue/green - think water in the caribbean
11. Glasses: no
13. tattoos: no
14. birthplace: daytona beach, florida
15. Single or taken: taken
16. Siblings names: sean, corey, matt

******HAVE YOU EVER*****

17. Cut your own hair? yes
18. Did something in the past month that you will regret? no
19. Have you ever met someone you were not supposed to? not sure what this means
20. Skipped school? yes
22. Bungee jumped? no
24. Punched someone? yes
25. Cheated on someone? yes
26. Been arrested? no
27. Broken into someone's house? my own
31. Been to a funeral? yes
32. Used a lighter? yes
33. Been on stage? yes

*****FAVORITE*****

34. Season: summer
35. Food: brownies
37. School subject(s): math and english
38. candy: m&ms
39. Breakfast cereal: corn flakes at the moment
41. Book(s): The Girls Guide to HUnting and Fishing - Melissa Bank
42. Movie(s): don't know
43. Song(s): "all i want is you" -U2
44. Park: rotary in south MI - Piper calls it the treehouse park
45. State: FLORIDA
46. Place: beach
47. Sport to watch on TV: college football
50. Letter(s): S, P, F, J
51. Favorite fast food restaurant: wendys
52. Disney Princess: if I have to pick one - aerial
53. TV station: bravo
54. Name for a son: bodhi, thatcher, barnabas, henry, charlie
55. Name for a daughter: piper, finley, charlotte, adelaide

******DO YOU PREFER*****

56. Chocolate or Vanilla? chocolate
57. Alcoholic or non? alcohol
58. Long relationships or one night stands? long relationships
59. Dogs or cats? both
60. Scary movies or comedies? either
61. Short or long hair? short
62. croutons or bacon bits? croutons
******FIRST THINGS THAT COME TO MIND******

64. Mexicans: our landscapers
65. School: exciting
67. Cows: moooo
68. Canada: vacation
70. Hand: change the world

*****THE PAST 3 DAYS, HAVE YOU*****

71. Talked on the phone? yes
72. Watched a movie? yes
73. Cried? no
74. Smoked? no
75. Drank a glass of water? yes
76. Done Drugs? no
77. Read a book or magazine? yes
78. Watched TV? yes
79. Looked in the mirror? yes
80. Taken a shower? yes
81. Taken a picture? yes
82. Listened to music? yes
83. Told someone you love them? yes
84. end time: 6:45 AM - good lord why am I awake?

Piper Speak

"ok mama, let's see how tall you are..."

(fiddling with some sort of tape measure thing)

"ok, you're 100 years pounds."

Random

I kinda sorta got offered a job last night, hmmm.

Jason is in San Jose, California this week for the SES Conference, don't you just feel so sorry for him? Poor guy has to eat out at fancy places and hob-nob with fancy people and go to some kind of dance.

Finley sat on the little potty for 15 minutes the other day and then promptly peed on the floor when she stood up.

My vacation was one of the most realxing vacations I have ever been on, more on that later.

We had our front and back yards re-landscaped the past two days and they managed to cut not only the cable line but also the phone line and my cell phone was dead. Nice.

But the yards look fantastic, pictures to come.

I haven't been to the gym in almost two weeks, and it shows. DId I read somewhere that it takes 6 weeks to show improvement and only two weeks to get out of shape? Two steps forward, three steps back.

Piper now has a job chart which includes "wipe my own booty" as one of the jobs. I haven't had to wiped her booty since starting the job chart.

On the schedule today:
A trip to the library with the most unfriendly and unhelpful childrens librarians where I need to return 2 overdue books that I happened to "find" and pay for one book that was lost in the grocery store and check out new books and make sure to count how many there are to avoid our previous experience. I've had this dream to open a children's bookstore kind of like the one in that movie "You've got Mail" with Meg Ryan. I would be nice and very helpful.

Take a refreshing dip in the pool since we haven't been in the past 2 days due to workers being ever present.

water the new plants.

Recover dining room chair. I'm doing one at a time because I get bored quickly. I did the first one yesterday and it looks good, I'll post pics later. I got this dining room set, table and 6 chairs, for $50 at goodwill and it is kind of mid-century modern and very cool.

clean, and I mean really clean, the family room which may involve a trip to the good will to drop off some stuff including some clothes that I weeded out of my dresser. I'm just so bad about getting attached to things for really stupid reasons like "Oh, I wore that shirt that one time when i saw a cloud shaped like a dinosaur." LAME.

Make appointment for Finley's 18 month check up since she's you know, 21 months old.


What we're into lately:

eats - I've come up with a new sandwich wrap thing that I'm really enjoying right now that consists of a flour tortilla, roasted red pepper hummus, chicken breast and romaine. very simple and very simple.

music - the ipod is usually on shuffle but these songs have been causing me to make a new playlist of current favorites -
For the Windows in Paradise, for the Fatherless in Ypsilanti - Sufjan Stevens
Living in Twilight - The Weepies
Stars - The weepies
where the streets have no name - U2
trouble me - 10,000 maniacs
look after you - the fray
make this go on forever- snow patrol
stay (faraway so close) - U2
all i want is you - U2
Campfire Song - 10,000 Maniacs
various death cab
various donovan frankenreiter

sewing sewing sewing...lots to share, I should really take some pictures!

school...first days and new supplies

ok, enough, let's go to the unpleasnt library where they give us dirty looks!

The Great Family Vacation

wish you were here...

Piper Speak

"Mom, Finley's mouth just farted."

Sinking

I am at the very end of my rope and it is unraveling fast. I am physically exhausted. I am very short with my girls and I keep getting set off by the smallest thing and yelling at them. I hate yelling. I hate this feeling. I hate being angry with them. I feel so guilty. Each time I yell and they look back at me with eyes welling up with tears my heart sinks down into my chest and feels like it weighs so much that i can't breath. There is so much to do and I can't get it done because I have no motivation and every spare minute that the girls are awake i have to have them in my sights so that other things are not destroyed.

I keep telling myself:

The moment is as it is

What you resist will persist

It will get easier, just when?

see? I most definitely do not have it together.

Piper Speak

instead of :

"what in the world is this?"

Piper - "what is this in the world?"

Needs vs. Wants

I NEED to be cleaning and doing laundry

I WANT to take a nap

It would be good if I was a sleepwalker and could be cleaning and doing laundry while I was sleeping.

Suck It

Wow, some great discussion on the topic of nursing in public. I have this problem that I write things and then I hit publish without editting or reviewing and then like 0 secoonds later I'm like, oh geez, I should've put this in there or I shouldn't have written that or is "a lot" two words or one?

So some follow-up thoughts about what I previously wrote about:

When I said that I nursed both of my girls for over a year i didn't mean to come across as arrogant. I was just illustrating that it came easy for us and that is what allowed it to continue for that amount of time. So, although I haven't walked in your shoes, I understand that it is not that way for all women and in result there is a real need for continuing education and support. It could be the most simple problem that if provided a solution would encourage that mother to continue breast feeding.

We went to the park with my mother-in-law and some of Piper and Finley's younger aunts and uncles and I had this same discussion with her about the need for education of health care professionals in breast feeding. We concluded that really, if you don't have a lactation consultant, then you are out of luck because the OB, the pediatrician, noneof them are prepared to deal with a mother that comes in with a wailing 4 day old newborn, a shirt drenched in leaking breast milk, sobbing because she can't get her baby to eat. No doubt she feels like a failure because she cannot do what she has been forced to believe is "the best thing for her baby." My mother-in-law has nursed 11 babies and even she said after her last baby (who is 3 months older than Piper) the lactation consultant had information that she had never heard and tips that she had never used.

I ran into a friend at the fabric store on Thursday night (while Jason was at home with the girls letting them drink cough medicine) (not really, but kind of) and she has a 5 month old little boy that is her third child. She literally had tears in her eyes because she can't get her son to take a bottle and she feels trapped. She can't go anywhere wihtout the baby and is tired, really tired. And the thought of giving him a bottle makes her feel so guilty that she most definitely feels that there is no solution to this dilema. I felt somewhat the same way after having Finley. I wanted her to be breast fed and it was the most convenient thing to do, but oh, were there days that I just wanted to get out of the house and let someone else take on the responsibility of feeding her. And of course I waited too long to introduce the bottle (DANGER-NIPPLE CONFUSION, right!) that she never took a bottle or an ounce of formula or pumped breast milk (and boy did i have a freezer full).

So we are bad mothers if we don't nurse our babies and guilt ridden if we stop too early or choose to supplement so we can get a haircut and feel like a normal human. Not really fair, is it?

I wanted to highlight some of the comments i got from the previous post:

"In most countries, it is natural for a mother to breast feed her child. This country is suppose to be the most sophisticated country in the world, but we frown upon a breast. Lets get real America!"

"The AAP recommends it for the first year, and beyond. Everyone quotes them for other child-raising facts but the breastfeeding issue is even ignored by doctors. Sad!"

The lone man to comment, brave soul-
"Now, that said, it probably should be more widely accepted. I don't think we should have boobies hanging out all over the place, but a mother should have to hide or feel isolated.

Just like diaper changing stations in a men's bathroom, it is always nice to see other baby friendly areas like a "mother's lounge" specifically for breast feeding with a few really nice chairs, etc."


"It freaks me so much how can the american people react to seeing a boob in public (or televised) and do not say a word about the extremely violent scenes on TV that is tolerated."

All very good thoughts and great points of discussion. Be on the lookout for a Q&A with Jennifer Laycock of The Lactivist.


Again remember that i just hit the publish button, makes for more a dangerous risk! Ha!

boobs

Oh my goodness...

I am watching Good Morning America and they are talking about breast feeding in public andI am absolutely appalled, not by their report because they are actually supporting breast feeding in public but the commentary from the public is what is shocking. This whole report is in reponse to a magazine cover (BabyTalk) picture of a baby breast feeding and how that is so "controversial" to have that on the cover of a magazine.

57% of people DO NOT APPROVE of breast feeding in public

one woman went on to say that "it is disgusting" and "it is not moral"

moral? since when is feeding your baby not "moral"?

it was also discouraging to see the numbers on breast feeding women:

70% of women try breast feeding
36% are still nursing at 6 months
17% are still nursing at one year...17%!

Of course it isn't really surprising after hearing what people on the street were saying about breast feeding in public. There is little to no support for women to continue. 56% of women say that they stopped nuring before they wanted to quit.

Also, there was this woman who is a reporter for some newspaper in Philadelphia interviewed forthe report that had some really offensive things to say about beast feeding in public such as things like "it [public breastfeeding] is not modest and should be done in the privacy of your own home." and "I don't want to be out somewhere and see some woman take of their shirt so they can feed their baby." Take off their shirt? I don't even want to get started on that comment.

I nursed both of my girls for over a year and I'm not saying that to toot my own horn because I had it relatively easy. Both girls were excellent nursers and I had the advantage of not working (although I did work for 6 weeks after Piper was born and in that time I got about 10 minutes each day to pump in my classroom with the door locked and kindergartners pounding on the door to come in and use the bathroom, FUN!). Shorlty after Finley was born I went out to lunch with two friends (neither have children) and of course Finley was hungry and so I started to prep to nurse her and my one friend said, "oh, are you going to do that here?" I said, "oh, I'm sorry. would that offend you?" she replied, "oh, no no..." (very uncomfortably). I was at the same time thinking that we would all be A LOT more uncomfortable with a baby screaming her lungs out in the restraunt. I was not prepared for her question because i had never really had an issue before.

I guess I am a stealth nurser. Most of the time I would be nursing and people would come over to talk to me and realize what I was doing and they would become embarassed and walk away apologizing. It became quite isolating and it seems like there is less and less support for women who are trying to do what they feel is in the best interest of their child. Even my father who is a pediatrician asked me when i was going to wean Finley because she was over a year old and stil nursing. But, he's just old and doesn't now any better, but it also proves a point that the continuing education of health care professionals in this area is lacking. How great would it be for the pediatricians and nurses in their office were educated in breast feeding and technique and solutions to common problems involved with nursing? How many more new mothers (and I mean to say that every woman who has a baby is a new mother no matter if it is her 1st or 21st because each child is new experience) would continue to breast feed through common problems that cause them to stop?

It reminds meof these shirts I've seen from an internet friend of mine, Jennifer Laycock. She desings and sells pro-breast feeding t-shirts and stuff. Some of my favorites:

"Don't be lactose intolerant"
"My baby doesn't like to eat in the bathroom...do you?"
"My milkshake feeds all the kids in the yard"
"Nursing: Nature's own breast enhancement"

and for men:

"why wouldn't I want to see more breasts in public"
"I take turns"

and what's great about jennifer is that she also sells milk bank t-shirts and 100% of the profits from those shirts goes to a milk bank in ohio. Here is her blog. Check her out and wear your support.

It is so amazing to me that God so put us together so intricately that these processes are built into us to care for our children. What a wonderful creation so compex and yet so simple.

20 months

I usually only write a post like this on their half birthdays, but Finley has been such a joy lately that I wanted to get something down so i don't forget them:

Finley the Destroyer...you are living up to your name. You quite possibly may be the messiest, gooeyest, stickiest baby I have ever met. There isn't a piece of any kindof food that doesn't end up smeared and embedded in all parts of your body. You insist on feeding yourself and we are left to clean up the aftermath. I love to watch you smash things up in your hands with that expression of, "Yes, I will conquer you tiny morsel of food!"



People are always commenting on how smart you are and so verbal. I read somewhere recently that people are shaped most by your siblings and you definitely get the talking all the time thing from your sister. You two play so well together now with only a few minor squabbles and you look up to Piper and try to do whatever she does because "if Piper can do it, I can do it." Whatever it is you accomplish, you feeling of pride show all over your face in a wide smile and an exuberant, "I DID IT!" I love that...don't ever lose that spirit of perseverence and accomplishment. So many girls have self esteem problems and i hope that we are teaching you that you indeed can do it and we'll help you if you ever find yourself in a place of need.



You and i were in the fabric store the other day and we were checking out when you finished your drink. You kept smiling at me and the woman in line behind us and talking to her and flirting. You looked at me and thrust your sippy cup in my direction and said, "MORE!"

The cashier looked at you and said, "Can you say, 'More, Please?'"? And then went on to say how that "please" was the first word of both of her children and how they would be out in public and her children would say pkease and everyone would ooo and ahhh and pee in their pants they were so impressed and yada yada yada.

Again she looks at you and repeats (because apparently because you are a baby, that makes you deaf) "Can you say 'More, Please?'"?

You look at me giving me that coy sheepish little smile that I understand and you look at her and and change that smile into another kind of sweet syrupy smile and with eyes bright you thrust your cup at her and yell,

"CHEERS!"



That's my girl.

I did not crash into a tree

I was a little nervous the day before we left for our little vacation without the girls to celebrate our 5 year anniversary. 1.) Both Finley and Piper had fevers left over from vacation Bible school the week before where people were bringing their children who were THROWING UP to the childcare and leaving them there and bringing them back after not even 24 hours of not THROWING UP. It would be nice for us to be involved in some activity with other people and not end up with some sort of virus. And b.) For some reason I was nervous that Jason and I would have nothing to talk about. I mean, it has been 5 years and what if we had nothing left to say to each other and we just ended up looking at each other and shifting around in our seats in that uncomfortable awkward silence? At least it would be quiet I guess. I was really getting anxious about not making the most of this little getaway, not having fun, setting my expectations too high, you know all around stressing out over really stupid things.

I asked Jason if he had any of these fears and he laughed at me.

We stayed in Orlando the first night because the B&B we were going to didn't have a vacancy that night. We dropped the feverish girls at my parents where they kicked us out the door. Seriously, the girls were so incredibly excited that I felt bad that they weren't crying and adhereing themselves to my legs like anchors not letting me get out the door. I was missing them before we backed out of the driveway.

It's weird how I was so ready for a break from the mommy thing but as soon as I shut the door of the car to drive away, I wanted them back. It's just great how you can never win...You feel guilty for feeling overwhelmed when your taking care of them and you feel guilty leaving them behind to go have fun with your husband. I just love them so much and I hate it when i catch myself complaining about our day-to-day routine, but that is a topic for another post.

Anyway, Orlando night #1 - we had dinner with my best friend from high school and her husband because they live in Orlando. They also closed on a new house that very same day, so we got a tour of their beautiful new home that I hope will soon be filled witht he pitter-patter. We were really tired and had talked about going out later that night but decided to instead go back to our hotel which was really cozy and comfortable.

The next day found us shopping a bit before heading up to Amelia Island which is just north of Jacksonville. The trip was good and we hadn't yet run out of things to talk about. I called to check on the girls (since they were sick, you know...not because I was missing them so much I htought my heart was going to explode) and they were ok. Poor bug was sicker and birdie was feeling better.

After getting lost,we finally found our B&B, The Elizabeth Pointe Lodge.



It is right on the beach and has a beautiful porch on the back where we had a glass of wine (Jason had a beer) and jut let it soak in. It was so. incredibly. quiet. It was hard to just sit and realx and let it be quiet.

After settling into our room, we decided to go into the historic downtown to find a place for dinner. Walking along we happened upon a corner that was busy with people and decided that this would be a great place for our dinner. Jason had mint chocolate chip and i had double fudge brownie because the numer one rule for vacations is that #1 - You must eat ice cream for dinner a minimum of one time and with no limitations on the number of times or meals. (does that make sense?)

The rest of the vacation was a blur of the beach and lots of food, some good, some HORRIBLE and more ice cream and some other unmentionable activities. When I told people before we left that we were going ona vacation alone many of them asked in return - "oooo, are you going to have an announcement of some kind when you get back?" the answer is "NO!"



One highlight of the trip was our segway tour. There were six of us including 2 guides. They took us through Fort George Island Cultural State Park and Kingsley Plantation. They were very well educated on the vegetation and wildlife and the platation history as well.



I was extremely anxious about this segway thing. I do not have a good record with any kind of personal motorized anything so I was hesitant to say the least. My last encounter with a motorized thing was a scooter which I immediately drove right into a tree and that was probably 10 years ago. But the segway was different. it uses your own body to make it go and it was really cool although I looked like a total dork.

The day we were set to go home, I was totally ready. I can't say that I caught up on any sleep but I did get a tan and jason and I had plenty to talk about so I could fill up that silence that was bugging me. Funny how a lot of the time at home I just want 2 seconds of quiet, but away from it all i can't stand to hear nothing. My fears of us being totally boring people were unfounded and I did discover that I love him so much more and I'm glad he's my best friend because we really have great fun together andi do believe that we are better together than we would be apart.

the 4th

Hope you had a fun, relaxing holiday yesterday. We spent the day at the beach and then watching a beautiful launch, swimming and dinner with my family followed by playing outside while it got dark, wathcing the sun sink, and then the fireworks.

We watched the firewroks from my parent house on the river. It is really beautiful and I love watching them there because there is a beautiful reflection in the water.

It was a perfect day.

new pictures

i just uploaded a gazillion pictures to flickr so enjoy!

p.s. update about our mini-vacation coming soon, stay tuned.

p.s. #2 i've got a new baby

random

haven't posted in a while because honestly i am really tired and really busy, but Bekah tagged me so I will not disappoint:

List TEN songs you are into right now. No matter what the genre, whether they have words, or even if
they're not any good, but they must be songs you're really enjoying now. Then tag seven other people to see what they're listening to.

1. Jack Johnson - upside down, broken, constellations
2. Snow Patrol - open your eyes
3. the magnetic field - 100,000 fireflies
4. the sundays - summertime, she, where the story ends, wild horses
5. rem - nightswimming
6. bob marley - stir it up
7. david gray - from here you can almost see the sea
8. ben harper and jack johnson - my own two hands
9. beach boys - don't worry baby
10.the fray - she is

so, our lists are fairly similar, must mean that bekah has pretty good taste in music, or maybe it's me? right.

and i thought i'd post some pictures from the past few months (can you tell how tired i am, i can't even be bothered to capitalize). and i have been sewing, but unfortunately, not taking many pictures of my projects which have mainly been gifts for various birthdays, holidays, and babies. i love babies. it almost makes me want to be preggers again right now...almost...did i mention how tired i am? we've spent the past week at vacation bible school which has been much fun and jason and i will be leaving next week for our very own trip by ourselves for our 5 year anniversary that we celebrated in may. every afternoon has been consumed by going to the gym and then coming home to swim since it's like 100* and our pool is be-u-ti-ful. then more holidays and trips and then its time for school to start. and i want a new pretty blog.

ok, pictures of my kids who are so darn cute i can hardly stand it:




really looks like they are enjoying themselves!



piper and jason on the tube



sticky, juicy, cold and oh so good


yum



piper's last day of school "hanging out" with her friend lauren



little finn



row row row your boat







bye now

summer

We have just returned from a very long overdue mini-vacation. We visited my brother and his family in Alabama for Memorial Day week and had heaps of fun. Highlights:

Although the first day we tried to go on their boat at a new lake it rained (more like it was a monsoon), the next day was beautiful and Piper actually took a ride in the tube behind the boat. I was so proud of her because it is really unlike her to do something like that, but I rode with her the first time and she told me she wanted to ride the whole lake. Later on before her second turn i asked her who she wanted to ride with and she said she wanted to ride "all by myself", not exactly an option so she rode with Jason and when she started going she immediately gave the thumbs up which meant to go faster! She's changing and turning into this independent Bug, I don't know, it also means that we have been butting heads more frequently.

I got a couple of days of shopping with my sister-in-law by oourselves, which is very rare and very appreciated! I came home with a large bag of fabric andSusan gave me a pattern and I have already made one dress for Piper. Also hit Anthropologie...trouble I tell you!

Piper and Finley had their first taste of riding in this trailer/buggy type thing while Jason took them on a few bike rides and now we're thinking for Father's Day, maybe some new bikes so we can exercise together as a family.

We all went to see "Over the Hedge" together. It was funny, although not the funniest I've seen. The girls loved it of course.

Great food, good friends, loving family and a 10 hour drive.


I will post pictures to flickr soon.

Onto summer plans. I had these lofty ambitions of having a theme for each month of the summer and we would do all kinds of activities, crafts, read books, take field trips and yada yada yada to do with that theme. It makes me laugh now. I do have one project for sure that I am going to do and that is to make my own grocery bags so i don't have to use the plastic or paper ones. I figure I'll make one/week and by the end of the summer I'll have more than enough to haul our food. It is a small something, but it is something. I'm 80% done with the first bag already.

We will go tons of places and do tons of things and make tons of crafts and my other project is to take tons of pictures. I love summer, it's my favorite.

The Sexiest Man Alive

My hubby, so smart and oh so sexy. sorry, he's mine.

Dear Finley,

Sometimes we say to you: "Fin, say 'turd'" and you smile and indulge us and in your sweet little voice you say "tud". Then you laugh and we laugh and then Piper tries to get you to say a whole slew of other "bathroom" words. I am amazed sometimes at how your sense of humor is so developed as well as your language. You repeat everything, and I mean everything we say and recently have been speaking in complete sentences, in context. I think that you quite possibly could be a genius, but then again, I am your mother but even if I wasn't your mother I would think that you are well above average and most likely a future member of MENSA (but yes, I am your mom).



You have reached many milestones in the past 6 months. You started walking, you weaned from breastfeeding, you feed yourself (if you call screaming at us until you get a fork and then throwing your food on the floor feeding yourself), and you have started telling me when you poop. You are a climber which is something I never faced with your big sister, and actually you are very different from Piper. It has been moving way too fast for me and sometimes I want to just stop and freeze your funny cheesy smile and squeeze you and never let you grow up, but growing up is also something that I don't want to miss, so grow, little bird, grow strong and true.



When I found out that I was pregnant with you and then that you were a girl, I thought that you would probably be much like your sister. I am astonished at how different you actually are from Piper. You are not so concerned with cuddling, but when you do you do it full throttle. We often get "body-slammed" over and over while you give your full belly laugh. I love that laugh, it's new and so geniune. It is like vocal joy.

Today I had to fish a frog out of the pool and I kept it in a bucket with a bit of water so that you and Piper could examine the frog. What I didn't take into account was that your natural curiosity would take over and you would bend over and pick up that frog and at that precise moment i would realize my irrational heeby-jeebies about frogs and let out a shriek and scare you so that you drop the frog and start to cry. I'm sorry for that because that is somehing I adore about you, your curiosity. You are so observant and inquisitive and unblemished and without the hang-ups that plague us as grown-ups. Never lose that, examine and explore anything and everything.



You favorite word at the moment is "NO!" You say "NO!" to everything even when it is something that you want. I tried doing the baby signs with you, but you started talking instead. I love your little face and your soft skin and your fuzzy head. I love that when you hear music you start shaking your booty. I love to watch your mind working whe you are trying to figure something out. And I love that when your point to your nose and you scream "NOOOOSE!" to stick your little finger all the way up that little button nose.



I was once worried that having a second child would mean that I would divide my love bewteen the two, but in reality, my love for you has multiplied exponentially. Happy half Birthday, love. You are 18 months old now and you have made each day of the last 18 months a joy to be your mama.

why

why is it that when your child has had a fever consistently of 102* for 4 days that the morning of your appointment with the doctor her fever is...gone? And of course she has had no other symptoms of anything, right.

Self Portrait Tuesday

My first submission to Self Portrait Tuesday where the theme for May is "Introduce Yourself."

In honorofthis submissionI would like to revisit "10 things you may not know about me."

1. If I can't find any clean socks to wear to the gym (which happenspretty much all the time) I wear the least smelliest dirty socks I can find (usually the sock I previously wore and stuck into my sneakers after I took them off without untying the laces.)

2. When I was in gradeschool I owned (rented) the soda machine in my dad's office. We would buy the soda for cheap wherever it was on sale and I would stock the machine myself. I would also collect the money and count it all which was not my favorite thiong to do. This money was put into an account and funded my college life since I had a full ride.

3. I had a full scholarship to college including tutition and books.

4. I love showers and hate baths, something about sitting in water that is full of your own dirt and gunk...

5. Jason and I will celebrate our 5th wedding anniversary this month and a total of 8 years together in June. I'm very proud of that accomplishment.

6. I really like the tv show "Gilmore Girls"

7. my close friends and my family call me "Sha" and my brother corey calls me "Janet" because i used to have a snile babysitter when I was littel that called me janet all the time because I reminded her off her niece or someone.

8. right now I want to have 1-2 more children naturally and then adopt 2 more, although jason might not agree now, he will, you'll see.

9. I wear a t-shirt to bed

10. I am punch-you-in-the-stomach-take-your-breath-away in love with my girls

see more here.